FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize