I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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