Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
