Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
