Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize