It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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