Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
