a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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