my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
