WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
