I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
