i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
