Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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