so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
