the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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