Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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