i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
