I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize