omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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