God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
