Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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