How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I love you. Go after that dick
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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