He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I came so hard my ears popped.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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