dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
