If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
