Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
