So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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