We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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