Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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