I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
