life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
