I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
