I cockslap morals
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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