just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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