That's intense
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
