dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
