You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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