you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
