it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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