bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
