4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My ATM looks so different sober.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
