Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
