Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
