Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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