Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Drunk is not a location!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
