I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize