The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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