I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
