The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
