I just made out with a guy for $7.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
