Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
