so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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