Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
