This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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