So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
