meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
