he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
