You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
