READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
