Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
