I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
