Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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