I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize