Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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