do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
