chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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