Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
