I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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