is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
