I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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