she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
