I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
