I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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