is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
NoShamevember. You game?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
