just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
