Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We had sex on a dog bed..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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