So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
