Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
