can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
