pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
These tits shall not be calmed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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