This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
