Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
