i may or may not be watching the land before time
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
