No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
