i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
