I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
