I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
