I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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