I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
