pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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