I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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