I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This girl is more easily done than said...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
