found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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