Barsexuality is the new black.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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