you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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