Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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