We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
