I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
